Director: Joseph P. Mawra
Something Weird Video/Image Entertainment

Hold onto your hats, fellas, it's a Lesbo Lovin' Double Feature! But coming from Something Weird, you know that both films will have a little something extra outrageous other than the usual muff-diving.

What makes a lesbian tick? Find out all about their secret sex drives and sordid mating habits in CHAINED GIRLS, a fakumentary filmed by famed OLGA director Joseph Mawra and produced by George (GLEN OR GLENDA) Weiss. Witness very dark "hidden camera" photography of New York City circa 1965, a lesbian makeout scene in a phone booth, a dyke photographer drooling over her lingerie models, a sapphic marriage, a jealous catfight, a lovely young "baby butch" introduced at a coming-out party (with a make-out room!), lesbian prostitutes charging an extra $50 (!!) for male clients, and more awkward love scenes starring bouffant hairdos than you can throw a dildo at! And did you know that "25% of college girls have had a LESBIAN EXPERIENCE"??? Yep, it's true, and you'll see many more statistics and "scientific studies" proving why lesbians are so "maladjusted" ("Psychiatric studies show that lesbians had fathers who were psychopathic, alcoholic, or tyrannic"). Lesbians apparently aren't as "guilty" as male homosexuals. And lesbians come in all shapes and sizes: the "bull dyke," the "stomping butch," and the "baby butch," and of course the kind every man dreams of, the "femme." Funnily enough, the "femme" still remains the stereotypical housewife of the 50s, serving her "dyke husband"!!

Mawra's b&w photography is typically cool and kooky, while the makeout scenes are surprisingly intense, with plenty of soul-kissing and implied oral sex! And this film features maybe the most inappropriate library music EVER in a NYC grindhouse flick. The star of the film is the absolutely priceless somber narration by Joel Holt (who also enlivened the Audrey Campbell OLGA trilogy), brimming with campy nuggets of quotable dialogue ("Wherever women can be found in great numbers, it is quite possible that lesbians can be found"). One wonders if Holt was taking himself seriously... Nudie cutie fans will jump for joy at seeing the adorable June Roberts as one of a trio of lesbians planning a party, which is attended by the Audrey Campbell look-alike from MADAME OLGA'S MASSAGE PARLOR. Alas, even with a thankfully short running time of 61 minutes, CHAINED GIRLS' novelty wears off a tad too early to be labeled a grindhouse classic. But it has enough moments of absurdity and male chauvinist naiveté to warrant a good number of laughs. Watch out for the incredible climax of the party!!

Next up: DAUGHTERS OF LESBOS. That's right, not DOMINIQUE: DAUGHTERS OF LESBOS, it's "Dominique in DAUGHTERS OF LESBOS." Time to correct the IMDB, methinks. And this is one sleazy picture, one that could have possibly been directed by Michael Findlay or John Amero under the pseudonym "Peter Woodcock." From the opening scene, fans of seedy NYC sinema will be in heaven! Three of my favorite 60s sexploitation actresses, Jackie Richards (ALL MY MEN, INDECENT DESIRES, SHE CAME ON THE BUS), Linda Boyce (CURSE OF HER FLESH, ELECTRONIC LOVER, OLGA'S DANCE HALL GIRLS), Geri Miller (MEETING ON 69TH STREET, FLESH, TRASH), and Helga, a virginal blonde, make up the "Daughters of Lesbos," a society of snotty lesbian female supremacists who wine, dine, and discuss politics and life at weekly meetings before getting down to some nasty lesbo lovin.' Each woman tells her story of how she became a carpetsweeper: after being stood up at a nightclub, Boyce is date raped by an eager pervert, vowing revenge against all men; Helga practices self-love with a vibrator before experiencing her lesbian fantasies with fellow camp counselor Monika (all-time personal favorite Uta Erickson, once again uncredited!!); "female stud" Richards picks up a hippie girl hitchhiking and has her way with her; and Miller shares a bath with a girlfriend before being raped by a peeping tom who crawls through her window. The "Daughters of Lesbos" decide to avenge Miller's tying him up and castrating him (in a surprising instance of full frontal male nudity!)!!

It all sounds much more interesting than it really is; the sex is yawn-inducing and the film's narration (by an edgy, sensuous female voice) gets a tad irritating when the dialogue isn't crackling. But any fan of the special female talent on display here will need to seek this one out. Stone-faced Linda Boyce was actually a fine actress who appeared in a number of 60s grindhouse favorites; she was usually typecast as a haughty sadistic lesbian, which she plays to the hilt here as the leader of the "Daughters." Geri Miller, in reality a bubbly ditz (who ended up a schizophrenic homeless woman who was probably beaten to death in a halfway house due to her frequent racist outbursts), should be remembered for her autobiographical turns in Paul Morrissey's FLESH and TRASH. In the former, Miller wonders whether she should get breast augmentation; two years later in TRASH, she sported obvious implants (she is pretty flat in DAUGHTERS). Jackie Richards always shocks me in these films; here is an obviously middle-aged woman (like Candy Samples or Marsha Jordan) who enjoys defrocking and simulating sex in front of the cameras. She really gets into her lesbo scene! And what else can I say about Uta Erickson? Frequent Findlay actress who also starred in John Amero's BACCHANALE, Doris Wishman's LOVE TOY, and Barry Mahon's SEX KILLER, this blonde bombshell bears a striking resemblance to Cameron Diaz and, like Boyce, was actually a better actress than most women in these films. Wherever she is now, I salute her. I am still in wonder over who directed this film? A one-shot wonder? Was it Michael Findlay? None of his trademarks are here. John Amero? Doesn't feel or look like one of his... Uta Erickson's lesbian scene is actually very much like a similar hetero scene in Roberta Findlay's ALTAR OF LUST, making me wonder...if she is behind this little twisted sex romp? The male nudity, voyeuristic sex scenes, and less-than-interesting camerawork are trademarks of her brand of sexploitation. We may never know...

Both transfers appear to have come from the original negatives, in two expectedly sharp black-and-white transfers. CHAINED GIRLS fares better, with mild speckling and dirt during the opening credits and a few lines in the middle of the film. DAUGHTERS OF LESBOS has more lines in important sequences, and the majority of the start of Uta Erickson's sex scene seems to feature water damage on the negative. But otherwise it's another strong transfer, with lovely contrasts. The mono audio is pretty strong for such low-budget ventures.

You won't believe how many extras are on this disc! It makes my mind boggle thinking about how much lesbo material SWV dug up! First up are some dandy trailers. CHAINED GIRLS is a good exploitation ad, with more over-the-top Joel Holt narration. THE GIRL WITH THE HUNGRY EYES is coming soon on DVD from SWV; Pat Barrington does a brief topless strip, but most of the film looks like an incredible take on FASTER PUSSYCAT with a lesbian couple split apart by a handsome stranger. Tiger, the bull dyke of the pair, has some choice dialogue, wielding a switchblade, engaging in a catfight, and threatening any man that comes near her! Directed by dashing William Rotsler (who plays the man in "femme" Kitty's life), it was distributed by Harry Novak. Did you know it was banned in Finland?! THE CATS is a personal favorite; it recently appeared on VHS in its home country of Sweden, but hasn't seen any home video release over here. It discusses lesbians and bisexuals in a female Laundromat; the music is fabulous and it apparently won a Guldbagge (the Swedish Oscar) for Best Actress! The opening of the trailer recently appeared in the Canadian horror film GINGER SNAPS (!), and the cast includes Eva Dahlbeck (veteran of many Swedish sexploitation films), Gio Petre (I, A WOMAN PART 2), and the alluring Monica Nielsen. Someone release this now! THE KING is another obscure black-and-white lesbo flick that Something Weird unearthed. Strange title... The trailer is narrated by a female beatnik poet. There's pot-smoking, sunbathing on a cloudy beach, and lots of girl-on-girl necking. MAKE ME A WOMAN has one of the most misleading titles in exploitation. It's about lesbianism in Greece; a nasty sexually repressed matron whips a woman who is caught making it with another girl. Greek sexploitation of this time period is scarce, so I'd see it! SAPPHO DARLING was a film I always thought was Swedish, but it was written by Albert Zugsmith and has an American cast. There's a HILARIOUS freakout scene of the heroine explaining her fear of the human penis ("It kept growing and came at me to tear me apart...JUST LIKE IT DID MY MOTHER!!!"), studly drive-in stuntman Gary Kent attempting to rape her (he also makes out with a blonde chick), a buxom blonde woman surrounded and terrorized by a group of men chanting "Gang Bang!," and a few lesbian scenes to justify the title. Uschi Digard is reportedly in it, but she's not in the trailer. Hmm...guess I should see it! NY Daily Film News liked it? THAT TENDER TOUCH is a must-see flick; the trailer isn't your usual exploitation preview, and the film itself seems to not be your usual drive-in sleaze, either. Sue Bernard (the cutie-pie hostage in FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL!) is a high society girl who becomes a photo model and develops a strange relationship with her depressed best friend. Another Russ Meyer vixen, Dolly Read (Kelly in BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS and future wife of Dick Martin), is Bernard's maid, who has some hip dialogue and looks incredibly cute in her maid uniform! Her British accent is intact, making her even more adorable. The title is only mentioned once in the preview, so it's like a non-stop highlight reel of what looks to be a very good film. I'll check it out! THE WILD ROOTS OF LOVE opens with an idyllic love scene by a pond, shot in loving black-and-white. Things go awry when the girl becomes frigid in this French import. You get two guesses why. Looks interesting; the trailer features no dialogue, just library music and an awkward, wooden narrator.

The collection of short subjects is just as whopping! "Lash of the Lesbian" is a surprising dimestore nudie short subject. A lesbian barges in on a married couple's idyllic existence and whips the shit out of the giggling wife!! Or as the title card puts it, "And then Joan whipped her body until it became colorful." Pretty hilarious stuff! "Lesbian Apartment Story" looks more like home movie footage than a dimestore loop, with plenty more of "butch dykes," "femmes," and a blonde female stripper enticing all the butchest babes. "Lesbian Neighbors" is yet another dimestore loop, with a lesbian couple entertaining their hot-to-trot buxom blonde neighbor. She's completely clueless as they admire her face, corner her on the sofa for questioning, and paw all over her! "She-Man Surprise" is not what you think. It's a color clip from an unidentified film with "the man of the house" coming home to a party...except that this man doesn't have "the big deal," if you catch my drift! Wait till you see the big surprise! Even when I saw it coming, it blew my mind! "Lesbian Bikers" has a provocative enough title and seems to be a way-out clip from SISTERS IN LEATHER (1969). One of the women, who beds down with the butch leader of the gang, is sexploitation regular Kathy Williams, such a cutie. Two of the women bike in circles in the nude! I have no idea where "Lesbian Coffin Sex" came from! It seems to be an excerpt from another sex fakumentary, with an obese pervert watching two lesbians have sex in a coffin floating in his swimming pool! Must be seen to be believed!! All the while, the cameraman interviews the pervert and his reasoning for hiring these girls through underground newspapers. Insane! "Let's Make Mary Moan" is another dimestore loop with priceless title cards. A woman in white lingerie is beaten on her ass with a ping pong paddle by another woman in black lingerie. Apparently a doctor prescribed it?! The cards say things like "I'll teach you to swipe nylons!" and "She learned her the end." Hardy har har! "Outdoor Lesbian Love" rounds out the shorts; it's another loop (in color this time) of two women consummating their love in the great outdoors.

Easter Egg hunters will find two (!!) on the Extras page: one is a brief clip of a woman entering a lesbian club while a mocking narrator cackles maniacally, the other is a trailer for an obscure, horribly acted lesbo sex flick with wretched dialogue, a bad wig, home movie camera cinematography, and one living room serving as the set. The trailer is SO low-budget it is introduced and hosted by the three actresses who star in it, two of whom are nude while the third slobbers over their breasts!! The title, A TWISTED AFFAIR (the title card says TWILIGHT AFFAIR), is hard to make out (the sound is very tinny and badly recorded), but I doubt it exists in any form any longer. Find this one, SWV! It was released by Dragon Films, which could mean it played exclusively at the XXX Dragon Art Theatre.

In the end, neither film is particularly memorable, but this is a great gift to the lesbian viewers of SWV and all you guys who dig the sapphic lifestyle can dig right into this overflowing platter, too! Now go back and count how many times the word "lesbian" appeared in this review. (Casey Scott)