DRACULA: THE DIRTY OLD MAN (1969)/GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO COUNT DRACULA (1970)
Directors: William Edwards, Laurence Merrick
Something Weird Video/Image Entertainment

Count Dracula has gone down in history as the most filmed fictional character of all time. Some of his screen moments have been quite memorable and triumphant. Here, Something Weird and Image Entertainment have brought to DVD some of The Count's more absurd and unusual moments in this collection of perverse vampiric outrageousness. There are two features that go perfect together, as well as some short subjects and trailers that also fit the mood.

The first film on this set is DRACULA: THE DIRTY OLD MAN which is a somewhat amusing nudie/monster flick. It has the Count (Vince Kelly) being revived in a Californian cave for the lone purpose of collecting young girls. He lures a reporter to his dwelling and turns him into a werewolf or "Jackal Man" if you like. The Jackal Man brings the Count chics so he can strip them and fondle them (even biting one on the breast), and his hairy servant gets some action as well. During the climax, Jackal Man brings his redheaded girlfriend to Dracula ("the best one yet") and the two monsters fight over her after Dracula has sex with her wearing his tuxedo.

DRACULA: THE DIRTY OLD MAN is of course dirt cheap and poorly made (the Jackal mask was also employed in the same year's MUMMY AND THE CURSE OF THE JACKAL). It was shot as a serious film, but the director decided later to re-dub it and turn it into a comedy. The re-dubbing is done in a WHAT'S UP TIGER LILY? style, but it's so badly improvised that it sounds like one guy doing two or more voices in a given scene. The timing is usually totally off, the made-up-on-the-spot jokes fail miserably, and Dracula and the Jackal are given heavy Jewish accents that change from scene to scene! You'll wish they'd shut-up after a few minutes of this, but the wild mix of monsters and titillation on the screen should keep you intrigued for the duration of the show.

The second feature here is the PG-rated GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO COUNT DRACULA. I'm surprised that this on the bottom half, as it's more famous than its co-feature, getting a wider release and even embracing the cover of Famous Monsters of Filmland in the early 70s. This is equally cheap but better shot (and that's not saying much) by Laurence Merrick, the man who also gave us THE BLACK ANGELS (one of the worst biker flicks) and the documentary MANSON before being shot by one of his acting students in the late 70s! The film has "Count Adrian" (Des Roberts) running a Hollywood night club that's designed like a haunted castle. He captures the attention of Angelica (Claudia Barron) an attractive girl who arrives with her boyfriend one night. The Count becomes chummy with Angelica, impressing her with his quick cure for a headache--hypnotism, and puts the bite on her a few times much to the dismay of her boyfriend and a concerned doctor who show up at the castle to fight vampires.

GUESS WHAT HAPPENED TO COUNT DRACULA? is a semi-interesting curio with themes better used in the far superior COUNT YORGA, VAMPIRE and a plot device taken straight from ROSEMARY'S BABY (the boyfriend is named "Guy" if that gives you any indication). The acting is mostly terrible, with Roberts (in false van dyke) doing a really bad Lugosi impression and being rather goofy than menacing. Dracula's dungeon/nightclub is filled with dancing trippers, snakes, a friendly tiger named Alucard, an old gypsy fortune teller and a mechanical gorilla in a cage! Fans of vampire films of the era might get a kick out of this, all others beware.

Both films are presented 1.33:1 full-frame, and neither looks any better than the other. Both were frequently played at drive-ins and grindhouses and these prints truly reflect that. Both prints have their share of dirt, scratches, splices and ugly cue marks, and colors tends to be muted. Both films were probably shot on 16mm and later blown up to 35mm, so softness and grain are usually in check. Given the shoddy history of both features, the transfers are acceptable and perfectly watchable. The mono sound on both tends to be scratchy, but the original audio recordings were most likely very poor to begin with.

And now to the vampire-themed extras. The trailers include BLOODSUCKERS, THE BODY BENEATH, CAGED VIRGINS, DAUGHTERS OF DARKNESS, and R-rated one for THE LEGEND OF BLOOD CASTLE (aka THE FEMALE BUTCHER), A TASTE OF BLOOD, THE VAMPIRE AND THE BALLERINA combo of THE VAMPIRE'S COFFIN and THE ROBOT VS. THE AZTEC MUMMY. There are also two adult featurettes: Dracula roams the streets in his limo looking for babes in "Dracula and the Dirty Old Witch," and Count Spatula (played by porn legend John Holmes!) crashes an orgy in "Sex and the Single Vampire" from 1970. There is also a gallery of exploitation art with radio spots, and "Easter Egg" hunters will want to look for a clip from an obscure sex/vampire film. (George R. Reis)

 

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