You either love or hate nudie cuties. The subgenre itself is an acquired taste for cult fim fans; nudity is usually restricted to tits and ass and the films themselves are static and predictable, for the most part. But when the nudie cutie genre collided with the musical (!!), you had to have something special, and that's what you have here with two above-average nudie-cuties: SINDERELLA AND THE GOLDEN BRA and Herschell Gordon Lewis' GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BARES.
You know the story of Cinderella? Imagine that Cinderella loses her brassiere instead of her slipper and you've got SINDERELLA, one of the more imaginative entries in the nudie-cutie genre. Sinderella is a breathy French girl mistreated by her ugly stepmother and stepsisters, whose fairy godfather (Sydney Lassick, familiar character actor from ONE FLEW OVER THE CUCKOO'S NEST, CARRIE, etc.) magically creates a dress in which she can attend the prince's ball. But as the clock strikes midnight, she leaves her bra behind with the man of her dreams. Will the prince find his fair maiden? You get two guesses!
I know it's gotten a bad rep as being boring, stupid, and mindless, but I loved SINDERELLA! The musical numbers are irritating (yet the song "Pity It Couldn't Be You" is pretty good), but for me the humor works. It's a fairy tale for adults, even though the nudity is fairly restrained. The only nudity is shown in the lengthy sequence of the prince knocking on every woman's door to have them try on the bra. Even this sequence has some funny intentional humor. One of the cutest nudie-cuties you'll find, SINDERELLA also has a very lovely heroine in Suzanne Sybele, with an ultra-thick French accent that only makes you love her more. Come on, you know you love it, don't be ashamed! As much as you'll love the film, the transfer is nothing to cheer about. It is taken from an extremely rare 35mm print, maybe the last complete one in existence, with lots of scratches, dirt, and lines throughout the presentation. I could find no completely clean frames. But given all that, the colors are surprisingly good-looking, strong reds and greens, the costumes and sets look fine. The film's good enough to overlook the problems here, especially considering the strong colors.
GOLDILOCKS AND THE THREE BARES stars neither a blonde little girl or grizzlies, but you do get to see Vicki Miles (SCUM OF THE EARTH) and Bill Kerwin (BLOOD FEAST) strutting their stuff in the buff! It's your standard nudist camp plot: two guys discover their girlfriends visit their personal garden of Eden very weekend and have a hard time coping with it...until they experience it themselves, of course.
The 63-minute running time of GOLDILOCKS feels like an eternity, but to the film's credit I can't think of another nudist camp flick with horseback-riding! And of course there are the token naked pool parties, nude sunbathing, nude yachting, ad infinitum. You get naked Bill Kerwin, naked Vicki Miles, naked Rex Marlow (who?), naked Mal Arnold, naked Delores Carlos, and naked Craig Maudslay, Jr.!!! But long before the final 20 minutes (where all the nudity appears), there are long, LONG musical performances and even LONGER comedy routines by a painfully unfunny Kerwin. In the end, Friedman and Lewis' nudist camp musical isn't as entertaining as some of their other nudies, but it has its moments and they're better moments than entire films by other directors! GOLDILOCKS' transfer is taken from the original negative, in gorgeous Eastman color, with a smattering of dirt here and there. It's so clear you'll spot some unhidden pickles and beaver!
Dave Friedman once again contributes one of the funniest commentaries the company has recorded, moderated by Mike Vraney (long time no hear, Mike, welcome back!) and Frank Henenlotter (he of the infectious laugh). Dave's sense of humor and grandfather charm has made him an understandable favorite of SWV commentary junkies, and here he tells an astounding amount of hilarious behind-the-scene stories for GOLDILOCKS, attending the "world premiere" of SINDERELLA, and the restrictions of censorship in the mid-1960's. And of course all three mention how awful GOLDILOCKS really is, as well as poking fun at each other's ages and having a good old time. Highly recommended listening, better than the movie! And you'll learn the fates of the lost H.G. Lewis flicks, ECSTASIES OF WOMEN and LINDA AND ABILENE...and it ain't pretty...
The trailer vault unravels previews for even more twisted nudie madness! If you think SINDERELLA looks bad, watch the trailer for it, with very soft muddy colors. The GOLDILOCKS trailer is narrated by a beatnik! THE ADVENTURES OF LUCKY PIERRE and BOIN-N-NG! are two more Friedman-Lewis nudies that deserve to be on DVD, both a good mix of humor and sex! BUNNY YEAGER'S NUDE CAMERA follows the female nude photographer as she photographs "100 of the world's most beautiful models". CALENDAR PIN-UPS has a hilarious French narrator, with various naked women in different scenes and situations posing for mens' calendars. One top-heavy woman has a pretty hard time standing still! FRENCH WITHOUT DRESSING has some familiar nudie faces; one belly-dancer appears everywhere, but I don't know her name! A nude woman types on a typewriter, then undresses in an Army tent, only seen in silhouette. NOT TONIGHT HENRY has had multiple clips from the film thrown onto SWV discs as "shorts". The trailer's probably better than the film, with each female star introduced as she pins up her underwear on a clothesline! Hank Henry, a Rodney Dangerfield look-alike comic, sees naked women in different time periods, including the Stone Age, ancient Greece, and the Pilgrims' landing! Looks cute! SHE SHOULD HAVE STAYED IN BED presents the luscious Gigi Darlene in all her glory, reading a book topless. Audrey Campbell fans will note her brushing her hair topless. But it's a Barry Mahon film, so the best footage is probably in the trailer.
Even better than the trailers is the large collection of shorts, kicking off with Lili St. Cyr in "Cinderella's Love Lesson". St. Cyr, one of the most famous strip tease artists of the 50s, plays a bored Cinderella who is given a crown, a new pair of slippers, and a new gown by a disembodied magic wand! She finds jewelry in the soup and her stuffed animal turns into a fur coat! Pretty surreal, yeah, but you won't believe all her clothes disappearing at the stroke of midnight...in front of the prince! No nudity, unfortunately. "Goldielocks Goes Glamourous" is narrated by a loud-mouthed pervert who watches a lovely blonde wander into a stranger's backyard, put on a stray bikini, and takes a dip in the swimming pool. Another woman in a bikini with a fake bear's head scares her away! Now, while I don't like Barry Mahon's films, his color short subjects are really some of the best nudie material SWV has unearthed! Three of them are included here. "This Diary Belongs to Fanny Hill" stars lovely blonde Fanny Hill spouting an inner monologue while undressing after a long, sexy day of provoking every man she meets! "Nude in the Window" is pretty funny; three NYC girls (complete with accents) wishing to attract the attentions of an attractive neighbor cavort nude in front of the window so he can notice them! "Double Trouble" stars THE BENNETT TWINS!!!! Rita and her ugly ass open the story of a man invited up to her apartment, only to play tag-team with her and lovelier twin sister Darlene and her beautiful ass! This is the best of the shorts, funny, sexy, and worthy of repeats! A lengthy featurette, "The Super Dreams," is an interesting curio. A janitor working on a nudie film set falls asleep and dreams he is a movie studio head honcho auditioning nude women for his next big opus! The women are cute, which keeps it from becoming too boring. A muscle woman does exercises in a kitchen setting?! But at 27 minutes, it's almost too long. Where did this play? An Easter Egg on the Extras menu allows the viewer to access the trailer to THE EROTIC ADVENTURES OF PINOCCHIO, with Dyanne (ILSA) Thorne as the Fairy Godmother and Monica Gayle (SWITCHBLADE SISTERS) as 'Gepetta,' who creates gorgeous stud Pinocchio out of a talking log! As the ads say, "It's not his nose that grows!" Another superb gallery of sexploitation movie magazine covers (incorrectly listed as ad art on the box) with the BOOBY TRAP theme is on hand here, and fans of the other galleries will find plenty more to love here.
Nudie cuties used to leave me
cold, but this disc really puts the films into a historical perspective and
preserves some of the more beautiful women to grace the cameras in the early
60s. Those with an appreciation for the female form will have a lot of fun with
this disc...and of course those with a healthy appetite for cheesy nude adventures
should find plenty to love! Give it a spin, in the nude for maximum effect!
Go on, no one can see you! (Casey Scott)
BACK TO REVIEWS